What I’m Learning From This In-Between Season

When I started drafting this post in March, the logistics of moving to another state were taking up a lot of space in my brain.

There were a bunch of administrative things to deal with, like closing and opening bank accounts, finding health insurance, and getting a new driver’s license.

I realize that there are more stressful things to deal with in the world, but I was itching to get these things over and done with so I could feel a sense of ‘normal’ again.

Now those things are over and done with (as of September), it’s all just a blip in my memory.

Closing my bank account and getting my driver’s license were easy enough. These things were stressful when I dealt with them in the past, so I assumed they would be stressful this time around.

Now that it’s all done with, I find myself in a lull. There’s nothing to ‘figure out.’ It feels good to breathe for a moment, but then I find myself questioning why everything is so quiet.

What should I be doing next? Why can’t I just let myself be still for a moment?

Here’s what I’ve been pondering about the ebbs and flows of life and how being present during stressful experiences can make you more resilient.

The ebbs and flows of life

As humans, we’re often looking for the next big exciting thing to happen – a vacation, romance, event, etc.

That, or we’re hoping for a less stressful time in our lives.

When life is overwhelming, we can’t wait for it to end. But when life is quiet again, we feel as if we should be doing something more exciting.

The in-between is an unsettling place to be.

I don’t know about you, but when things aren’t stressful or busy, I start to question the meaning of life. It’s as if dealing with chaos gives my brain something to focus on, yet I can’t be fully present because I want the chaos to be over with.

It’s an endless cycle.

I’m sure the people of TikTok would love to psychoanalyze this as a response to something that happened in my childhood, but I also know I can’t be the only one who deals with this.

Maybe you also feel like your life is one big up and down, or maybe you have a really hard time dealing with the in-betweens of life.

The question is how we can embrace the ebbs and flows of life and recognize that it’s a normal part of being human to encounter ups and downs.

Dealing with stressful times

I’ve spent a lot of my life waiting for periods of heightened stress to end so it can return to ‘normal.’ I used to have this naive idea that I could make my life completely stress-free if I tried hard enough.

I thought there had to be a way to stop the little things from affecting me so much, especially because other people seemed to be unfazed by the same things. They’d occupy my every thought, and I felt like I couldn’t enjoy life until these stressful periods were over and done with.

I thought if I nailed the perfect routine and was super consistent with my habits, stress would pass me by. If I meditated or journaled enough, perhaps I could prevent anything from overwhelming me. I would be resilient enough to let it pass me by.

While those are helpful practices, they can’t prevent stressful situations from showing up. Something else is always going to come along and make it difficult again.

Because of that, I think we need to let go of the mindset that, somehow, someday, life will be completely stress-free. Or that if you fight hard enough, you’ll be so strong that stressful situations will brush right past you and won’t derail you from your goals.

Resilience isn’t about how physically or emotionally strong you are, but how you adjust and adapt after a difficult experience.

If we’re going to encounter stressful periods, we need to try to be present in them and find ways to enjoy life despite them.

That’s what practices like journaling and meditation help with. Rather than preventing our problems, they offer us time to be present and to approach our problems head-on.

“You will always have problems. Learn how to enjoy life while you’re solving them.” – Craig Carlson

Dealing with lulls

Perhaps it’s also in our best interest to let go of the mindset that life must always be fun and exciting.

It’s hard when you see people on social media living their ‘best lives,’ but they could be fabricating it for views or constantly chasing a high that they’ll never reach. You truly never know the backstory unless people are honest and open about it.

So when life is quiet, can we just settle down and enjoy it without trying to make something else happen? Can we find ways to enjoy life either way?

As with stressful times, the real challenge is to embrace the lulls as opportunities to practice mindfulness and gratitude rather than as something to run from.

Author Caroline Myss says that we are so used to expressing gratitude when things go right, but “it’s not our practice to get up and just be grateful for the gift of life by itself.”

This is a good reminder to express gratitude for the moments when we are simply existing, not just for the moments when something ‘good’ happens.

Making the most of the in-betweens

In order to embrace the ebbs and flows of life, we need to find ways to be present during both.

When we try to rush and force things to happen, whether it’s pushing to get things over with or chasing new highs, we miss out on the actual experience of living.

During stressful periods of life, take a moment to write down what’s happening, bake your favorite cookies, talk to a friend, or read a cheesy romance book — instead of saying, ‘Oh, I’ll do all that once the stress is gone.’

And when life slows down, do the same things. Keep choosing little ways to enjoy your time.

Though you can’t control the outcome of something, at least you can find some enjoyment in the process of it.

And remember that few things in life are permanent. Whatever you’re going through will not last forever.

“Instead of waiting around for the next thing to keep yourself busy, why not make the ebb of life worthwhile to you? Whether it‘s learning something new, seeking connection with a long-lost friend or relative, taking up a hobby or long-overdue project, or even just being with yourself and enjoying the solitude, treat it as a mindful opportunity.” – Amaan Akhtar

How do you handle the ebbs and flows of life?

Life will always ebb and flow. Being present in the midst of challenging experiences will help you be more resilient than simply avoiding these experiences altogether. You don’t have to rush anything.